When I think of doubt, I think of Thomas. He was the disciple who declared that he would never believe his friends’ testimony that Jesus had risen from the dead unless he could see Jesus himself and touch his nail-scarred hands. This kind of demand for evidence and outright refusal to believe seems brazen for one of Christ’s own, doesn’t it? Behavior striking enough that two-thousand years later people still refer to him as Doubting Thomas and use it as a nickname for stubborn skeptics.
Thomas earned the reputation of a doubter, but if we listen closer, look beneath the surface of his doubt, I think we find not rebellion but great love. He must have loved Jesus deeply, set his hopes sky-high on Jesus’ promises, to be so deeply hurt when Jesus was gone and suddenly it appeared that everything he had hoped for was only a dream. When we experience not only the loss of someone we love but the demise of the future we had been counting on, it is only natural to feel deep grief and to want to protect our hearts from experiencing that kind of devastation again.
Maybe Thomas wasn’t just stubborn and faithless. Maybe he was heartbroken.
History has not been kind to Thomas, but Jesus was. Instead of scolding him for his refusal to believe in the resurrection, Jesus met the needs of Thomas’ hurting heart. He held out his hands and gave Thomas the evidence he asked for. Jesus gave Thomas grace.
Jesus asks us to believe in him- in his power, his goodness, his death and resurrection, and his promise to never forsake us. He has given us evidence all around us – from the mountain peaks and ocean depths to the breath in our lungs and the longing in our hearts. He has spoken to us through the prophets and the Scriptures and his shepherds and his Spirit and his Son. All he asks is that we believe him. That we trust him. If we see the evidence and refuse to believe, he will not stand in the way of the free will he chose to give us. But for those who want to believe, for those who ask for help in overcoming their doubt, that is the kind of seeking heart he responds to with compassion.
Jesus sees beyond the surface. He knows who resists him out of rebellion and who longs to draw near to him but needs his help to get there. You and I don’t have the luxury of being able to physically see and touch Jesus this side of heaven, and he recognizes the extra faith this requires. “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed,” he told Thomas. But this doesn’t mean we’re on our own. Jesus may or may not give us the kind of evidence we’d like, but he does give us more faith if we ask for it, and he promises that anyone who seeks him will find him, because his greatest desire is that we would draw near to him, and his greatest hope for us is the same as it was for Thomas: “Do not disbelieve, but believe.”
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