It’s a Big World, Baby.

Life’s been a little hard lately, hasn’t it? Even the luckiest and most well-off among us have had a rough go of it in this pandemic-altered world, with our daily lives looking so much different from what we’re used to and no clear end in sight. We’ve lost, for a time, so many of the parts of life that enable us to thrive, and most of the parts that are left are fraught with anxieties that weren’t so present before. The stress can weigh us down sometimes, especially with many of our support systems gone, and in our discouragement we can start to lose sight of who we are, and whose we are.

One night a few weeks back, I experienced one of the worst nights’ sleep I’ve ever had. I woke in the early morning from some terrible dreams involving rescuing some of my children from a tsunami, only to find that a pack of wolves had invaded our house, and then I had the unnerving realization that the remainder of my family hadn’t been seen since the tsunami. I woke with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Of course the dream wasn’t real, but when I couldn’t fall back asleep and chose to start the day with a look at the national and world news and my neighborhood social media page, all the disconcerting realities to be found there were no consolation at all. I was reminded that people do lose their families to tsunamis and fires and shootings and coronavirus. I was reminded that there are wild animals that prowl around my neighborhood, and that rabies is a forgotten killer, and that the busy intersection we cross regularly with our kids has seen many accidents and red light runners and drag racers videoing each other doing crazy stunts. I was reminded that I couldn’t see my family for the holidays, and my kids can’t go to school, and my parents are alone, and we all have to figure out how to navigate this crazy year and no matter what you do, there will be a bunch of people who think you’re crazy because of the choices you’re making, sometimes even your own family. And I won’t even mention politics.

This sort of morning and this sort of thinking is not typical for me, although I admit that having my 4th child and then navigating life and a move across the world during a pandemic has nudged me over toward the anxious side a bit. I didn’t know what to do with all the thoughts and feelings welling up before I had even gotten out of bed, and though I hadn’t been soaring spiritually lately, I knew the best thing to do was to take it to God. And so I said one of the most honest things I’ve ever said to God:

“I don’t like your world. It’s scary and hard.”

I knew that He knew that I didn’t mean any disrespect, because I knew that He knew that I knew that He didn’t make the world to be like this (we did). And that He is working out his plan to fix it (which I believe). So we didn’t need to address any of that. What he said in response, through words to my heart, was this:

“I’ll carry you home.”

The accompanying image that flashed through my mind wasn’t that wistful greeting card image of Jesus carrying somebody across a beach, with one set of footprints in the sand.

It was of a baby being born. Cold and screaming.

What a shock it is for a newborn baby to show up in this big, cold scary world. Who would ever trade cozy comfort, ease, and protection for this vast place filled with all kinds of strange and unpleasant sensations and innumerable risks. And those risks will only continue to grow as the baby itself grows. An infant has zero chance of surviving in this place, none at all…unless there is somebody to pick it up, tend to all its needs, and carry it home.

Then a second image came before me in my mind of my one-year-old daughter in our driveway, with her arms outstretched toward me. It might have been a memory from recent weeks. Whenever she hears a helicopter or a car zooming by, or sees a stranger, or realizes it’s starting to get dark outside, or hears a hairdryer, or sees her brother’s robot toy or her sister’s talking Moana doll that looks a little too real… she reaches out for me to pick her up. She knows I am her safe place, and that if we are somewhere strange, I will take her home.

This world is big and dark and scary sometimes, isn’t it? It’s full of strange noises, disturbing sights, worrisome thoughts, and hidden dangers. And none of us are quite as grown up as we look. Sure, we pick up a few skills and a little courage along the way, and maybe some hardness or numbness, maybe some less-than-perfect coping mechanisms in our back pockets. But we’re still children underneath it all. We are His children. And as He told me that morning (and told me to tell you, too), He is your Father. You have a Father, strong and safe, who is right there next to you ready to pick you up and carry you through. You are not alone in this world, and you don’t have to navigate it on your own. He wants to be your shelter from this crazy world. And when the time is right, to carry you away from all this trouble to a place of safety and goodness and joy. To carry you Home. But for now, let us let Him be the one we run to. Because the truth is, in His arms is the only place security can be found.

“Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob,
    all the remnant of the people of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since your birth,
    and have carried since you were born.
Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” – Isaiah 46:4

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. ” -Psalm 46:1-5

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me.” -Psalm 18:16-19

“In all their distress he too was distressed,
    and the angel of his presence saved them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them;
    he lifted them up and carried them
    all the days of old.” -Isaiah 63:9

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart…” -Isaiah 40:11

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” -Deuteronomy 31:8

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” -Psalm 9:9-10

 “…He shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he enables me to stand on the heights” -Psalm 18:30-33

“One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock.” -Psalm 27:4-5

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33