My Biggest High School Regret

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“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”

1 Timothy 4:12

It was my freshman year of high school, second semester. Somehow, I’d landed a coveted spot in Mr. Manthey’s Mass Media class, which usually had room only for juniors and seniors. It was a lively and engaging class spent analyzing and debating compelling newspaper articles, radio broadcasts, and movies, but one of the final projects took on more serious tone: we would each play a song for the class and explain why it was meaningful to us.

If you can’t tell, nothing gets me more excited than sharing meaningful messages with others. At 14, I had recently become passionate about my faith in Jesus, so it was a perfect opportunity share with my classmates what He meant to me. I had no shortage of songs to choose from, either, thanks to the older girl from youth group who had driven me to the mall to buy my first Christian CDs. My friend Andy had also been sending me mix tapes full of inspirational songs to listen to while I mowed the lawn. The possibilities were endless, and it seemed as though this assignment was tailor made for me.

So what happened? I don’t know if it was because I procrastinated and ran out of time to prepare something thoughtful, or if I was nervous to bare my soul in front of a bunch of older kids… but I choked. At the last minute, I grabbed a recording of “Jump, Jive, and Wail” by The Brian Setzer Orchestra (I didn’t even choose the original Louis Prima version!), printed out the simplistic lyrics, and handed them out to my fellow students to follow along with while I stood uncomfortably at the front of the classroom. When the song ended, I attempted to say something meaningful about it… and failed.

I could see the disappointment on Mr. Manthey’s face. He had read my papers and heard my typically thoughtful class contributions. He knew I was capable of more. I quickly took my seat, more embarrassed by my lack of effort than any embarrassment I would have experienced had I vulnerably shared a part of my heart, or shared my faith. My regrets were punctuated by the song that followed mine, which was about a person’s longing to save their suicidal friend, something I had some experience with and could have spoken to with a song of hope. I knew in that moment that I had squandered an opportunity I would never get back. It has pained me ever since.

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.”

Colossians 4:5

There are bigger things in life than a sub-par school assignment, I know. I’ve made plenty of other, more grievous mistakes, will make more still. But for some reason, this is the one that stands out in my mind whenever I think about regrets. Because what if it was more than a silly assignment? What if it would have mattered to someone?

“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?…”

Romans 10:14

Life with Jesus is full of grace and fresh starts, so we don’t need to camp out in the land of regrets. Still, no matter how much grace there might be for our fumblings, no one wants to waste their life. I knew I had been entrusted with something, and I knew I had a responsibility to hold it out with courage and an open hand, not hide it out of fear or laziness.

“…From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”

Luke 12:48

It wasn’t just a responsibility, though. It was a longing. I think that is why that missed opportunity as a high school freshman hit hard and stayed with me. One of my deepest desires and highest aims is to hold out words of hope- to hold out Jesus- to others. It hurts to think that I missed out on a chance to do that. But what if, instead of hiding from the sting of regret, we paid attention to it and discovered it might actually be a signpost pointing us toward what matters most?

Perhaps you have some regrets today- things you said, or didn’t say? Things you did, or should have done?

If so, there is good news! Not only is today a new day with a fresh start given by a God who abounds with grace sufficient to cover all our mistakes, but any regrets you might have mean you are now armed with the knowledge of what matters most to you. Perhaps this gift of knowledge we’ve been given by our regrets can pave for us a beautiful path forward?

A final thought, and some resources

If we really want to spend our lives well, we need to find out not only what matters to us but also what matters to God. If you’d like a little help figuring that out, I’ve got a couple of resources for you. First, I’m actually writing a book about what matters most to Jesus! (If you’re interested, you can join my email list below for updates.) For now, though, I’ve got a simple Bible-based “bucket list” for you. If you’d like to go even deeper, please email me at hello@jenniferwier.com and I’ll send you a second list I shared with my email subscribers. You can also check out my post, “What Jesus Said,” which is a walk through the gospels with a focus on Jesus’ commands, bullet-point style.

Before we part, please let me be clear that walking with Jesus is not about measuring up. We can’t earn God’s pardon or his favor by checking these boxes, or any others. He already loves us, and the forgiveness we need is freely available to us solely because of Jesus. The goal is not a life without regrets, the goal is a life lived with Jesus. And yet, if we want to be followers of Jesus, we need to actually follow Him. So let’s go the same way He’s going, care about the things he cares about, and spend our lives on what he says is most important. Are you in?