A Father’s Legacy

Fatherhood is a role like no other, one which holds tremendous power. Some fathers rise to that challenge, wearing the title faithfully, bearing nobly the weight of providing for the tangible and intangible needs of their children as best they can and leaving a legacy- not one of worldly riches but of the priceless gift of their example and guidance. Other men might find themselves unable to bear up under the pressure, not having been given the resources they need to fulfill such a calling well. In either case, no father is able to do it perfectly, yet most are able to leave behind valuable things in the lives of their children, even through their imperfections.

My own father gave me the gift of quality time. I’m told he clocked many days and miles away on business trips, but I have little memory of that, aside from whispered goodbyes through my cracked bedroom door some early mornings or waving at him through the window as he walked to and from the train station. What I remember most is the time he did invest in me as a child- taking me early many Saturday mornings to eat pancakes at McDonalds with a table full of retired guys and, when I got older, Saturday morning coffee dates at the local bagel shop, just the two of us. He played catch and two-square and practiced basketball with me for hours on the driveway. He took me to work with him, took me out for my favorite lunches, and every once in a while gave me a “night out on the town” where I got to choose anywhere I wanted to go on a date with him in celebration of good grades or some other milestone. Usually I chose to go to Kiddie Land, out for ice cream, or to the local Osco drugstore to pick out a little toy. Each Valentine’s Day, I’d wake to find some little surprise left for me at my spot at the kitchen table. It’s no wonder that my own ways of showing love now include gift-giving and experiences of quality time, something my own daughter shares, as well.

I suppose I was spoiled to have a childhood like this, but I’m guessing that for my Dad, money and time didn’t feel abundant in those days, he just chose to invest what he did have into me, and it was more than enough. The attention given communicated that I mattered – something every child deserves to know- and the time spent provided opportunity for valuable lessons to be taught. From my dad I learned that I could do anything boys could do and that standing up for myself was something to be applauded. I learned from watching him how to be a peacemaker and a mediator during times when the emotions of those around you are running high. I learned to take a balanced approach to life, seeing things from multiple angles, employing moderation, and being comfortable operating in gray areas, something that significantly shaped my mind and prepared me for the counseling profession. I learned to be responsible, but not too responsible to have a little fun. All these things shaped who I’ve become, and I consider them gifts I am thankful to have received.

No two fathers are alike, and each has unique gifts to impart. My children have an equally great dad who imparts to them gifts of his own. They are blessed to be growing up with a dad who would much rather spend time with them than pursuing hobbies by himself or with friends because he considers us his best friends. He shows them how to plants seeds, how to take care of animals, how to cook. They learn from him the importance of commitment and striving to live according to your convictions, a quality that is helpful in balancing out the sometimes overly-balanced approach of their mother. Because of their father’s example, they will be unlikely to waste their lives being consumed by things that are less than worthy of their focus and would cause them to neglect their relationships and callings. Instead, they will know what truly matters and desire to be faithful and attentive partners and parents if they have families of their own someday. Because of their dad, my kids will know the importance of using resources wisely and being a good steward of everything they have, yet they will be generous with their money and possessions. They will find great meaning in service to others, especially the people no one else notices. Because of their father, they will aspire to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, to love their neighbor as themselves, and to be the hands and feet of Jesus by caring for the sick, the hungry, the poor and the widows, because these are the very words their father prays with them each night and the gift he gives them by his teaching and example.

And as if these weren’t blessings enough, these children have other men of character in their lives, as well. These little eyes and hearts watch the grandfather who wakes in the early hours of every morning to nourish and train his mind, body and spirit, who aims to be faithful to his calling in the big and small moments regardless of whether or not anyone is watching or approving, who waits to be served last at every single meal, stays back afterwards to wash the dishes, and often slips away to ensure that his daughter-in-law’s car has a full tank of gas and optimal tire pressure. These kids have a delightful collection of uncles, too, who make them pancakes or let them play with their expensive equipment or take them on hay rides or to visit their workplaces. None of these men has the same talents, interests or abilities. Whether they know how to cook, are experienced at packing a well-stocked diaper bag, can teach you about carburetors, infectious diseases, hunting, graphic design, sports, or the legal system, each man has things of value to share. Besides, more than the content, it’s the time and mentoring and love given that has the greatest impact. You don’t need to be an expert on anything at all to make a child feel seen and loved. They don’t care if you’ve won awards or if you’re just fumbling along using a how-to video, so long as you include them.

A person doesn’t have to be perfect in order to make a positive impact on the children in their sphere of influence. Yet don’t these little ones inspire us to want to be people of character, to be worthy of being admired and imitated by small hands and voices? Especially today, when good role models and even community in general can be hard to come by, I am so thankful for the men and women who do their best, in their own ways, to be worthy guides for our children. It makes a world of difference.

What gifts have the fathers or father-figures in your life imparted?