I Am a Butterfly (2004)
I am a butterfly, transformed
But I don’t know how to fly.
I long to praise You with the colors of my wings
To flutter across the sky
To soar for You
To soar to You
But I crawl along the ground
Unaware of my strength, unaware more still of my beauty
Unaware that I can fly
With your strength the wind gliding under my wings
Why do I fear the inevitable flight?
The flight I must take if I am ever to do what I was created to
If I am ever to really live.
Why do I grow increasingly restless on this ground?
My heart begins to feel
I don’t belong here anymore
I will sit lost in contemplation
Drowning in my dreams
Until one delightful, intoxicating day
When the fear of staying will become greater than the fear of flying
I will look up to the sky
I will trust, I will believe.
And I will finally soar.
Rejoice (2001)
REJOICE, You say, but I feel no joy.
DANCE, You say, but I cannot move.
FLY, You say, but I can’t leave the ground.
SING, You say, but the words won’t come.
~
CRY, You say. That I can do.
FEEL, You say. I feel the pain.
SHOUT, You say. I let out a scream.
COME, You say. I run to You.
~
TELL ME, MY CHILD. I confess it all.
REST IN ME. I rest in You.
Lord, the pain, it hurts so much!
I KNOW, MY CHILD, I FELT IT TOO.
~
MY CHILD, You say, GIVE ME YOUR PAIN.
The tears fall into Your hand.
You pick me up and carry me through
One set of footprints in the sand
~
The morning comes, the rain has ceased
I rise to face the day
A rainbow shines in the clear blue sky
You’ve taken my pain away
~
REJOICE, You say. I shout for joy.
DANCE, You say, I dance for You.
FLY, You say. I soar on Your wings.
SING, You say. I praise Your name!
I REJOICE.
The Screen is Dark (2004)
The screen is dark
But I can still see
Shiver
It’s cold
It’s hot
It’s real
It’s not
It’s raining
Where is my umbrella?
Should I be there too?
I wish I were dancing
Dancing, dancing, dancing…
Gracefully across the stage
Twirling
Flying
Joyful
Beautiful
With not a care in the world
Only to dance
But it’s hard to dance when you’re on pins and needles
So I’ll just watch the screen
The Firefly Garden (2004)
On a midnight stroll not far from home
We stumbled upon Your majesty
A moonlit kiss and a summer breeze
Led the way into Your firefly garden
Stars like diamonds hung above
As lightening softly lit the sky
The sky You so carefully painted
With glittering swirls of deep purple and blue
An ocean of love in the heavens
Watching the trees below lift up their hands in worship
Listening to each creature join in the song of praise
This is the masterpiece giving glory to the Creator
Reflecting His image as He made them to
A Father gazing into the eyes of His child
And seeing a part of Himself
Thousands of shimmering beauties filled this fairy land
But it wasn’t a fantasy
It was a quest for love
A quest that began at the end
With love already found
Beauty already won
And good already triumphant
Because our King is the Lord of all
And, one day, we really will Live
Happily Ever After
Untitled (2006)
What do you do when there is nowhere left to go
When your heart is pounding and your mind is racing
Jitters and obsession
You race until the pace outruns the places you can find
Then you stop
Stare
Listen to the water swirl around
But you are calm
And feeling empty
Void of the pulse that pushes you to nowhere
Calm
But empty of the life-giving pulse too
Your thoughts play like a tape you would never let anyone see
Who is this person thinking things that would never enter your mind
Guilt
Does He love me even though I fall so short?
I tell myself I must earn His love and know I never will
Yet deep inside I know
It is only my love I must earn
Let go, and fall into His arms
Beyond the Glass (2007)
Lost in the incomprehensible reality of the unseen
I retreat into mediocrity
Here I find countless visibilities
Seeming safety
Detached obsessions
But is the tangible what is true?
No, there is a reality beyond this, full and fulfilling
I am reluctantly but deeply aware of the bubble I am in
A sweet voice sings to me, telling me the truth I resist but long to hear
That the well-constructed atmosphere surrounding me is pretty
But it is a pity
It is not real
At least not as real as what lies beyond
A beauty so wild and satisfying
Matching houses and glitzy lights cannot touch it
My heart longs to escape
To do something real
Something that matters
To choose adventure over safety
Meaning over comfort
Could I really make my home among the poor
Or sleep in the depths of the jungle?
Could I overcome my fears and pursue real life with reckless abandon?
Could I do something amazing, and none of it for me?
I’ve never been to that place in my heart before
A tear of regret falls at my fear and stagnation
But I stand here with life before me
Time passes quickly but I have been given enough
Yet I have not the strength to break the glass
Maybe if I find an open window someday
Perhaps I can crawl through
Or will there be Someone there to carry me
Beyond the glass
A Whisper to a Butterfly (2007)
Another joyful offering flowing from my heart
It’s been a while, but it’s just as sweet
I guess I should keep my hands on the wheel
But I feel like I could fly
My heart soars on the heights
Unfettered by sorrow and gliding on the winds of joy
In unexpected moments I find You there
Then I hear You whisper, and I remember
It is the very thing I prayed for
Not so unexpected, but only You could know
You told me I could fly and You offered me Your wings
How forgetful a little butterfly can be
You’ve painted me with brilliant colors
Now open my color-blind eyes
And keep reminding me
That I am free to fly.
On My Twenty-Third Birthday (2007)
A new day, a new year
The sunlight streams through as I rise
Showered with affection by the one I love
Sweet fragrances
Delicate whispers and delicacies
Usher me out into the world
And You
You have secrets to whisper
Songs to sing just for me today
You have searched my heart
Now you open my eyes
You open the door to freedom
Begin to lead me in
Help me understand the enigma of my heart
But maybe not today
Today, a child’s imaginary dessert
Topped with a sweet baby’s smile
Retreat from the world for a while
Thinking back but looking ahead
Slow down
Look around
Polka dots and raspberry swirls
And a reminder of the ones You love
I’ll choose grace and selflessness
Then turn up the music and dance in the dark
Pour my heart out to the night and to the candlelight
And see what You’ll do next
Either Way (2009)
I thought I heard You whisper
And I wanted to believe
That it was You
I know that I can trust You
But can I trust what I perceive?
Is it true?
If You have spoken promise
Then so will it be
And if it does not happen
Then maybe it was me
And I won’t want to trust myself again
But I see You with a faith
That is stronger than my sight
I trust that my Creator
Is bigger than my eyes
I believe that Your voice still speaks
In spite of faulty ears
And when You whisper to Your child
Her heart is where she hears
Besides, I see You down each road
For the whole kingdom is Yours
So either way, I’ll trust You
And I’ll learn to trust You more
Because I cannot trust my senses
I cannot trust my plans
You are my firm foundation
And I am in Your hands
Twenty-Five (2009)
Is this what I asked for
Is this how to fly
Trial by fire
I will be refined
But my hope, it falters
Doubt is my unwelcome visitor
Fog clouds my vision like a thick blanket
I fight to breathe
The periphery fades, my vision narrows
Leaving only my reflection
Selfish desperation
I cling to a grain of faith that will not fall away
It irritates beneath my skin
It pummels my pride
It is dark and I cannot see
What breaks my bones
I cannot say
Broken and ravished I stand just the same
And cry out for rescue
A way to move forward from this stalemate
No, not forward
I must step aside
Remove the blinders from my eyes
And remember love
Step back
Take in the view
A day does not spin alone in its universe
A heart should not forget what He has done
Nor what He has promised
His promises blossom just around the corner
Hope springs up
Do you not perceive it?
His whispers lead the way
Love is ushered in
The morning sun looms just below the horizon
And I wait in expectation
But an unexpected treasure is found
A pearl of hesitation
As the fog begins to lift
Uncovering the beauty of brokenness
Revealing the fountainhead of strength
And in the one who begged for daylight
Now lies a hint of sorrow at the parting of the night
Learning to Fly (2009)
My heart pours out an offering
Eagerly, I delight in You
My offering is tainted with regrets
But I gather up my insufficiencies
Like a child collecting dandelions
For I know full well You render miracles from my sin
And that changes everything.
You chose the weak, the foolish, the poor and despised
You turn the world upside-down
And I rejoice in Your promise
Because You are the maker of the mountains
And I’m finding I can climb.
But Your promise never leaves me
And my heart won’t cease to swell
As I gaze from the cliffs to the rising sun
A longing to jump
And be taught to fly
A Soaring Heart Bows Down (2009)
I was learning to fly
A little bird discovering what her wings can do
Wings cutting through the air one motion at a time
Fluttering and stuttering
Being transformed
I was made to fly
Made to discover who I was created to be
To uncover Your fingerprints
Like treasure hidden in the corners of my soul
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
But suddenly
A moment of clarity
My self-absorbed offering falls to the ground
Rags in the presence of royalty
Remove my blinders so I can see
It is not about the flight and it is not about me
It is about the One who holds me up
And the ones on the ground
Who might see not me but You
Might see hope
Might find the courage to take flight
Soaring is an act of worship
The fulfillment of your call and the embrace of your design
Life as You intended
But it is also to be an act of love
Without love it means nothing
I must be a servant of all
You must become greater, I must become less
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