As a mom whose full-time job has been taking care of home and family for many years, this is not a post I expected to write. Because of how much serving mothers inherently do each day, I thought I’d be much more likely to offer up ideas about self-care, setting boundaries, fostering a teamwork approach in our homes, or some other means of removing some of the burden of service off of ourselves. And all of those strategies are worthwhile things to implement when appropriate. However, I’ve recently become aware of a lie I’ve been believing about serving, and it’s been standing in the way of experiencing joy.
It’s natural to assume that if you’re feeling worn down, the way to find refreshment is to take some responsibilities off your plate. And while this might be true sometimes, there’s a fine line between keeping your and other people’s expectations of you realistic and sustainable, and fleeing from hard work out of self-centered escapism. When we feel depleted, logic might say that attending to the needs of our family one more time is going to make the depletion worse, leaving us with even less energy to serve well. But this perspective overlooks the potentially life-giving nature of generosity and service, and it’s a slippery slope toward fleeing from a life of love and thinking only of self-preservation.
It hit me one day that following this false logic had caused me to buy into the lie that having less asked of me will make me happy and refreshed. Rather, what it actually does is cause me to chase ease and isolation (so tempting for an overstimulated introvert mom!). But ease and isolation do not result in happiness at all! Joy is found in meaningful work and connecting with others, and I miss out on this joy when I’m shushing my kids or huffing when interrupted with another request for help or hiding out in my bedroom.
It is a lie that having less asked of me will make me happy and refreshed. Joy is found in meaningful work and connecting with others.
-J.W.
It’s a widely known fact that one good way to persevere through our own difficulties is by turning the focus outward and helping someone else. It feels good to lend a hand to someone in need, and it can help shrink our own problems down to manageable size in our minds. Serving others brings joy, when done with a willing heart, and having joy in our hearts enables us to serve with greater vigor. It can be an upward spiral!
Jesus set a model for us of servant leadership. Yes, he withdrew to rest and pray at times, but his days were marked by willing service far beyond what was convenient, and it was never marred by complaint. He recruited helpers and called others to join him in service, but he led the way by humble example. He was firm when needed, but he did not claim his own rights or lord his authority over those under his care with condescension. Instead, he did what the Bible calls us to do, as well: He honored others above himself, he knelt down to serve, he gently bore with the failings of the weak, and he gave of himself in order to build us up.
Why did Christ endure all this, even to death on a cross? It was “for the joy set before Him.” (Hebrews 12:2) He knew what I didn’t realize until now. That joy doesn’t come from being pampered in a palace. Joy comes from drawing near to the Lord and making Him proud by honoring Him with our lives, not because we’re trying to earn His love but because we’re overflowing with thankfulness that we already have it. It comes from doing things that have eternal significance, even if they’re disguised in mundane tasks like cooking a meal or wiping dirty feet. Joy comes from drawing near to others in love. It comes from overcoming sin and investing our all in what is good. And it comes in helping secure the freedom, joy, and eternal life of others by loving them into the kingdom.
I’m ready to trade the perceived joy of ease for the true joy that comes from loving God and loving others with all my heart, even when it requires endurance. Sure, we must endeavor to maintain our physical and mental health in order to be able to serve effectively, but allowing that to morph into selfishness will only steal our joy. I want to fall into bed each night tired and content, knowing I gave my best to love and serve well and invest in the things that matter. And the things that matter are people, who will know and feel the love of God through me when I care for them willingly, with joy.
These insights have been a part of my journey of pursuing joy through the pages of “Courageous Joy,” the newest Bible study from (in)courage. I was given a free copy of the study in exchange for an honest review, which you can read here.
Leave a Reply