Hope When Anxiety Overwhelms

The Prayer of Psalm 90

By Nichole Suvar

My first memories of anxiety go back to 3rd grade. I’m sure many of us can come up with something that we worried about when we were young. However, the worry that I had, even from a young age, ruled my life. It kept me from sleeping, dominated my thoughts throughout the day, and stopped me from doing things a normal 10 year old would do. I was worrying so often and so much that I was diagnosed with ulcers.

This type of behavior continued into my high school years. It continued to manifest itself in sleepless nights, a go-getter personality, and being over involved in all-the-things. Outwardly I looked like a high achiever but inwardly I was just trying to busy my mind with everything so that I didn’t have to think about anything. Intrusive thoughts of anxiety and depression continued to plague me – but that just made me double-down and work harder and suppress more.

I look back at that time and thank God for His provision of grace because it was only because of Him that I survived those years with a hidden mental disorder.

I wish that back in 3rd grade when the doctor diagnosed me with ulcers that it would have been a red-flag. That instead of prescribing me Rolaids and telling me to stop worrying, that he would have looked into the deeper root of anxiety. But it was the early 90’s and it seems like that wasn’t on a lot of radars back then.

Instead of a proper diagnosis, I went for another 30 years grappling with incessant anxious thoughts that cluttered my mind and weighed down my heart.

At the age of 36, when I started having suicidal thoughts for the third time in my life, I finally called a mental health hotline and they connected me with a doctor and counselor. Through those visits I received a diagnosis of depression and General Anxiety Disorder. Finally, armed with a diagnosis, I could start addressing it for what it was.

Counseling, medication, and new tools to address the condition have helped me come a long way in the last 5 years.

I haven’t been cured from my anxiety disorder – sometimes my heart still races, my mind jumps from one thought to another, it’s often hard to catch my breath, and there is either a constant “buzzing” feeling in my chest or this feeling of dread that is hanging over my head.

Anxiety isn’t just a care of this world that weighs you down. It’s intrusive thought patterns that disrupt your every day. It’s a heavy sense of foreboding over matters that do not warrant that big of concern. It’s a mental health disorder that can consume you and keep you from operating a normal life. Counseling, medication, and an understanding support system are all tools that can help someone get over that hurdle and move on to a fulfilling life.

As I was working through counseling and beginning to implement the tools I learned to start getting my anxiety under control – instead of it controlling me – I latched onto the verse of Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days that we can get a heart of wisdom.”

For some, the thought of numbered days may be scary because it’s finite and points to the end of this life. But for those of us who are hidden in Christ, this should fill us with hope. We have been placed on this earth for a specific number of days and when we see our life as one that has purpose for the time we are here, then we can excitedly look forward to eternity.

Sometimes anxious thought patterns start to take root and they focus on the here and now and make all the insignificant things of this life feel huge and insurmountable. Turning our perspective from the temporary to the eternal shifts our focus from temporal worries to eternal promises.

Practically speaking, I would start asking myself, “How can I be intentional with this area of life right now so that it gives God glory and points others to Him?” 

When we start to get caught up in sticky relationships, money woes, or just general inconveniences we can intentionally pause and pray the words of Psalm 90:12 – “Father, help me to see the finite time I have on this earth so that I can see this circumstance right now in light of eternity through a heart of wisdom that can only come from You.”

Keeping an eternal perspective helps the circumstances that cause anxiety in this life to seem small and conquerable. When we keep our eyes on the promise of heaven, the slight inconveniences and deep grief of this life appear short-lived in light of the expanse of eternity.

The next time you start struggling with your focus being on this earth and not heavenward, pause and follow through these steps, outlined in my book, Numbering Our Days: Combating Anxiety in the Power of Small Intentional Moments:

• Recognize the temporal: Where in my life have I become consumed with the here-and-now and have lost sight of eternity?
• Reconnect to the eternal: How can I take this area of life and reconnect it to eternity?
• Refocus our intention: How can I be intentional with this area of my life so that it will give God glory and point others to Him?

Living the life of a Christ follower is one of tension. It’s a tension between our finite time on earth and the eternal promise of heaven. God knew that we would be living with this tension, but He did not create it this way to cause us to be anxious or overworked. He gave us this tension so that we could bridge the gap. When our perspective is aligned with God’s, we can wrestle through life’s difficulties because we have the reminder of eternity holding us in check. When we replicate the cry in Revelation of “Come quickly, Lord Jesus!” we have the tension of this life to remind us that there are still souls that need to hear the Good News. The proper tension spurs us on to the work God has called us to, while also looking ahead to our promise of heaven.

With the prayer of Psalm 90:12 in our hearts, may our lives be ones that seek after God and His wisdom, with a heart turned towards heaven.

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Nichole is a recovering perfectionist, anxiety-fighter, and seeker of all things declared good. She desires for others to know that they are created for a purpose and that even the struggle of anxiety can be a tool to help point us to our Savior and live a life that brings Him glory. Nichole has contributed to several devotionals, including Freedom from Worry through Proverbs 31 Ministries. She has also published devotionals for Advent and Easter, which can be purchased through her website. Nichole is a writer for the Self Care 365 app, a daily reminder app from Remedy Live that helps you focus on wellness with your mental health. She has also been a guest on numerous podcasts and blogs as well as a speaker on empathy for Great Kids, Great Communities, an initiative in Fort Wayne, IN. She recently published her book, Numbering Our Days: Combating Anxiety in the Power of Small Intentional Moments. Nichole currently lives in the Fort Wayne, IN, with her high school sweetheart husband Paul and their three children. In her free time, she enjoys training for half marathons, discovering new hiking paths, or curling up with a good mystery novel. She writes about living an overcoming life for Jesus, one intentional moment at a time, on her website and on Instagram.