Start Small

I’ve made a few thousand-mile journeys in my time as a military wife. In fact, although we made the approximately 8,000 mile move from Japan to Washington, D.C. just seven months ago, we are already preparing for the 4,000 mile drive up to our next duty station in Alaska! Managing the countless details involved in uprooting and replanting a family of 6, a household full of belongings, vehicles, pets, school records, shot records, military uniforms, passports, favorite toys (and a partridge in a pear tree…) can be head-spinning at times, and finding the physical and emotional strength to start over one more time can sometimes feel like a Herculean feat.

But as daunting as some aspects of cross-country or overseas relocations can be, it’s got nothing on the more metaphorical personal journeys any of us take (or don’t take) – the journey toward a career goal that seems too far off to ever become reality, the journey toward healing from childhood trauma, mending a broken relationship, overcoming social anxiety, getting in shape, or starting a family. I admire the brave ones who get out there and do something to make their dreams a reality. And I think perhaps it’s not so far a leap as we imagine for us to become one of those dream-achieving people. 

It’s easy to surmise that everyone we see who has achieved “success” in some arena or another has some sort of magic that we don’t have. The truth is, most people who arrive anywhere have gotten there one step at a time. The difference between those who arrive at their dream job or hit that fitness goal or overcome the emotional baggage that was holding them back, and those who don’t, is that those who get there took action. They started somewhere and took a step, and then they took another step, and eventually momentum started to build. It’s a mental trap to look only at the distance between the destination and where we stand now, thinking the only way we’ll get there is if our fairy godmother comes and picks us up and takes us to the ball. Instead, we need to focus in on the route in between the two points. What small steps does it take to actually travel from Point A to Point B? It might involve being strategic about a path, but that part is secondary, since missteps will usually get course-corrected along the way. More importantly, it requires just taking a step in the right direction. 

If you’ve been stuck for a while, maybe the first step toward where you want to be is a step toward mental health. Last year, after nearly a decade as a stay-at-home mom to four kids, I was already worn out in every sense of the word, and then we made our cross-planet move in the middle of the pandemic, which meant there was no support system waiting to be built on the other side. I’m no stranger to experiencing an emotional crash after a move or a baby, but as the entire world knows, this year was a particularly tough one full of restlessness, discouragement and loss, even for those of us who didn’t face tragedy. After giving myself a period of time to be really gentle with myself, take lots of naps, and put nearly every mildly ambitious thought not even on the back burner (none of my burners seemed to be working) but on the “maybe someday” shelf, I finally decided to take a small step toward taking care of myself and getting out of this funk. I decided to wash my face before bed each night. I wasn’t committing to running a marathon or anything. I would simply go into my bathroom after putting the kids to bed each night and take a moment to take care of myself. It was a baby step. 

Here’s the thing about those baby steps. They often turn into an upward spiral. I started researching how to establish a skincare routine (a first for me in my mid-thirties, as someone who never got too into the beauty realm as a teenager). That eventually led me to start looking at some makeup tutorials on YouTube. Those tutorials and the fact that I was now washing my face in the morning, too, led me to some guides about establishing a whole morning routine. I knew it would make a huge difference to how my day got started and the tone I set for my family if I was starting off the day with some life-giving habits and some solitude with my coffee, rather than letting my kids wake me, which often makes me feel and act like an irritated grizzly. The morning routine inspired an evening routine, as well, which included stretches that felt so good for my tense and achy body. The good feeling that came from stretching my muscles led me to actually want to start jogging on the treadmill every other day, and the jogs led to listening to podcasts that began to inspire me to take some steps toward getting back into my career field. Learning how to do makeup made me feel more present for my day and prompted me to start getting out of the sweatpants and putting an outfit together. Seeing this more put-together version of myself gave me a little boost of confidence and I could actually start to picture myself as a professional ready to get back into my career field, which compelled me to keep listening to the podcasts, and before I knew it, I found myself a little ways down the path toward Point B. I hadn’t even quite known what Point B was before I started getting up and moving forward, but it began to take shape, and looking back at the very basic progress I’d made helped the stepping stones ahead seem much more achievable than they had looked before. While none of this was impressive or implemented perfectly, the new steps I was taking were easy enough that the task wasn’t daunting, the results were rewarding, and I kept moving forward in a hopeful direction.

What’s your Point B? What would you love to do if you weren’t overwhelmed by the size of the task? Do you want to write a book, become a pilates instructor, open an Etsy shop? Name it! Know that the desire is in you for a reason, and that beginning the journey in that direction is taking a step toward being who you were meant to be, regardless of how it plays out. Then shift your eyes over to the path that lies between that goal and where you are now. What steps would it require to actually get there? How can you get started? I encourage you to start small and allow yourself to experience the boost that comes from achieving a small success. Maybe the end goal isn’t crystal clear yet, but a step in that direction could start to bring some clarity. You’ll probably find that taking that one step makes you want to take another, and soon you’ll find yourself on that upward spiral. It just might take you where you always hoped you could be, or perhaps the road will bend in a bit different direction and you’ll find yourself on a journey toward something new and even more “you” than you knew to imagine before.

Happy travels, my friend.