When I learned that Sarah Clarkson had a book coming out about overcoming mental illness, I knew I wanted to read it. I had found Sarah’s blog many years ago after reading some of her mom Sally Clarkson’s books and immediately took to Sarah’s thoughtful contemplation of theology and life, her penchant for exploring some of the very places that had awakened inspiration and wonder in my own heart (such as Oxford University and the Isle of Skye), and her relentless pursuit of beauty and goodness. I hadn’t known that that fierce determination to seek out the beautiful and good was borne not just out of the rich appreciation of art and culture I knew her family had intentionally cultivated. It was borne out of necessity.
When I preordered this book, I expected the mental health struggles mentioned in the summary to be something like fleeting bouts of depression or anxiety, the same as I and many people I know have experienced in seasons of our lives, particularly during the recent pandemic. I had no idea, even after reading the personal writings of Sarah and many of her family members for over a decade, that she suffers from a condition which has caused her to experience horrifying intrusive thoughts and images ever since she was a young child, and that this has often been debilitating for her in many aspects of life, including her relationships, her attempts to go to college, and her faith. Who would expect this? After all, she is the respectable eldest daughter from a prominent Christian family.
And that’s just it. There’s not a soul on this earth who remains untouched by brokenness and tragedy, and it’s one of the greatest theological and existential questions we all must wrestle with: Where is God in our suffering?
It’s no easy topic to tackle, and one might expect this book to be filled with trite Christian platitudes about “God’s will” and how he uses suffering to “make us better people.” Either that, or perhaps an outright rejection of faith, for is there really any other option? For Sarah, after many years of wrestling, there is. It’s a hard-fought road she travels to make sense of God in light of the suffering she endures, but her raw, honest wrestling is a comfort for those who have been failed by the pat answers and shallow understanding offered in many Christian circles, and the answers she finds are surprising but somehow more satisfying than you might expect.
Just as Job’s pain-filled questioning of God was met not with answers but with wonders, Sarah, too, has discovered that the breathtaking moments of beauty and goodness God reveals to her have the power to quiet and renew her soul during the darkest moments when she needs them most. And of all the wonders to encounter, the most powerful, the most incredible, the most healing and the most satisfying has been the wonder of God’s own presence. For that has always been God’s answer- Himself. He is Immanuel- God With Us- and this is his best gift to us. For Sarah, experiencing God himself has been enough to push back the darkness.
In “This Beautiful Truth”, Sarah Clarkson describes this unexpected answer to suffering more eloquently and satisfyingly than I can relay. I say “describes” because the hopeful message Sarah shares is that it’s not in explanations that we will find comfort and hope- it is through Encounter. And yet, her descriptions are not just pictures of feel-good experiences. If you read this book, and I highly recommend that you do, come prepared to think. While Sarah very intentionally resists offering theories to explain, she is deeply thoughtful and has done her theological homework. Her words are poetic, but they are meaty, and you’ll find yourself rereading many lines to chew on and digest the insightful thoughts she shares.
My bookshelves are becoming a little sparser these days as I downsize due to frequent relocations, but This Beautiful Truth has earned a permanent place on my shelf. If you find yourself in need of a fresh breath of hope in the face of darkness (who among us doesn’t?), and if you’re willing to sit and think a while with a kind friend who will walk you through her own journey of darkness and hope, this book will be a balm for your soul.
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