Do you ever feel like, despite your best intentions, you’re sort of failing at life? Like you can’t seem to keep all the balls in the air that you’re supposed to be juggling? Do you wish you could be giving your best performance at work, at home, at school, in your relationships, but when you divide up your 100%, it’s always going to come out to a fraction for each? Are there areas in your life that you would love to do better at, know are important to do better at (exercise, eating right, spiritual practices, helping neighbors, keeping your house clean…), but your efforts never quite meet your ideal? Do you feel like you don’t measure up to your own standards, so how could you possibly measure up to God’s?
I’ve been in that place of discouragement and overwhelm before. In the upheaval of moving overseas and then not having an outside establishment like going to work to help me structure my time, the chaos took over and I found myself feeling very far from my goals in every area of life. The house was a disaster, I wasn’t at my best as a parent, I wasn’t sticking to an exercise routine, I was just barely keeping my head above water. But sometimes, when it feels like you’ve hit bottom and you’re sitting amongst the rubble, that’s when you can hear God speak, if you listen.
One day, I was trying to get something done in my bedroom, and my toddler, not willing to let me out of her sight, was with me. She sat on my bed but was growing impatient, so when I caught a glimpse of a toy sticking out from under my bed, I grabbed it and handed it to her to buy myself a few more seconds, then went about my business. When I eventually turned back, this is what I saw, and it couldn’t help but bring a smile to the face of even this distracted mama:
The sight of my daughter fumbling around trying to get that Happy-Meal crown straight on her head suddenly brought such sweet delight that I had to stop and laugh. It made me want to hug her, squeeze that cute little body, kiss those chubby cheeks, and tell her “Good job, honey. You did it!”
And it hit me. My Heavenly Father, wouldn’t He feel the same affection toward me as He sees me fumbling around trying to get my crown on straight? Mustn’t He be so glad that I know I’m His daughter and I’m learning how to live into my title, the title He gave to me, not one I have yet to earn? Wouldn’t it make His heart ache deep and sweet, at the same time bubbling over into glee?
What if I were to choose peace, to trust His grace, and to find joy in it all, like this little child in front of me?
There is no place for shame in His Kingdom. The only thing worthy of feeling guilty over is true transgression, not the natural weaknesses we tend to brood over (“I should be better at this.” “Did I say the wrong thing when I was talking to that person?” “Why is my ______ not as good as this person’s?”) that really only serve as distractions. We need to learn to ask ourselves in those moments, is this thing I’m feeling shame over actually sin? If it is, bring it to the foot of the cross. And leave it there. If the guilt lingers, then we are missing the entire point of the gospel, rejecting the gift He most wants to give us. Take up the forgiveness and freedom and redemption He’s holding out to you right now. It’s right there for the taking, and it’s the doorway to the freedom and lightness your heart longs for.
And if what you’re feeling bad about is not sin? If it’s just the fact that you’re a finite human being who happens not to be talented in every facet of life, or the number of hours in a day don’t allow you to prioritize baking your bread from scratch or running a marathon? Do like Elsa, and let it go. Your Father doesn’t want you to be heartbroken over the natural course of your development as His child.
Yes, we do need to make the effort to prioritize what is most important to us in life and to make improvements in areas where there is a need. We are stewards of our one life, and it matters how we spend it. But we strive towards what is good because it’s how life works best. And we aim to please God not so that we can earn His love. We aspire to please Him, with pleasure, only when we’ve realized we already have it.
When we finally believe that the One who created us really does love us without condition, regardless of how well we are performing, our hearts can rest, because we already have the very thing we’ve been striving so hard for. It’s then that our efforts become infused with joy, and we work to please God out of an outpouring of gratitude. Children flourish when they know they are loved.
My friend, God is not a critic, tearing apart every aspect of your performance. He’s not waiting for you to fail, and he’s not setting you up to fail. He just wants to walk by your side. He has given you all you need to do what He asks of you today. Not every possible good thing will fit into your life in this day or in this season. You don’t have to master everything at once. He will show you, if you ask, which things he is calling you to grow in right now. He will lead you on toward maturity, one step at a time.
We are still going to fumble. Aspirations are, by definition, things we are still working towards and have not yet fully arrived at. But when we know we are loved and that there is grace for our shortcomings, we can get back up and try again.
Dear one, your Heavenly Father is beaming with pride as you fumble with your crown.
He is filled with delight as you look up at Him and smile. You are His pride and joy.
[…] down to realistic size. It’s a time to be practical, not idealistic, and a time to slather grace all over yourself and your family and call whatever you’ve been able to manage good enough. […]